Hello 2014.

first post of the yearrr! (like as if any one cares). 2014 marks the year of another milestone of my life- poly graduation. Well, i have to admit that yes, I have been looking forward to this day for years (due to the stress and whatnots). But now that im actually graduating, i realised, i dont actually want life to pass by so fast. Can i quit from life? Can i pause? life is going by way too fast.

I dont even know what i want in life. suddenly there's no goals, no targets. even if i did have targets, i havent been able/am not able to meet them. why cant i be smarter? that way i dont even have to think about what to apply for, since i could actually apply for everything. 

what was i thinking when i said i wanted to grow up quickly? if only time goes back to secondary school times.

ANYHOOOO, im still glad that i cleared all my projects. hoping that i'll be able to score well and that my gpa wont go down the slide again. i cant afford for it to drop anymore.

--

so that's it isnt it?

--

if you're still alive, would my life be different? missing you so so bad. i still hate you for leaving me without anything, no words, no letter, not even a goodbye. you couldnt even wait for me and just left.

or maybe i just hate myself for not being there with you. 
im afraid.